The Long Farewell and April Wrap-Up

My father's MDS diagnosis-https://www.mds-foundation.org  ten years ago was scary and we're grateful for the physician that diagnosed and supported his journey.  He became a good friend to my parents. Those ten years were filled with life.  There were ups and downs, I recall the relief when my parents understood the MDS could be managed.  If anyone wants or needs to discuss this I am happy to.  The MDS did take a toll on my father and his energy eventually did decrease and his mobility was curtailed. Another friend with MDS said it well- I never go far from my blood. This dear man died in December. I'd say the past year he wasn't quite the Daddy I knew but there were moments and he tried. He was there for Clare's graduation and our summer vacation- arranging the weekly blood at this point to work for the travel. It truly has felt like a long farewell and I know how lucky I am to have had this.  The decision to stop the blood transfusions and call hospice was his and Mom's- they did it together.  I'll never forget the phone call when he shared the decision and understanding his life was ending.

Thank you, Hospice. https://hospiceofwc.org  Thank you to my doctor and friend for answering my questions and preparing me. Thank you, Mom, and Dad for the conversations and honesty. Thank you, Joe, and my kids for sending me off to Maryland and keeping things going. Thank you, Denison, for all the support. Thank you friends here, there and everywhere for checking in, texting, calling. Thank you radio stations for classical and oldies, and bluegrass CDs to comfort and keep company. Thank you FPC- Karen for talking and coaching. Thank you, Matthew, and Dawn, Greg and Sarah- my siblings- we did it together. We supported Mom and Dad and one another. We had over three weeks from that phone call until he died and that was a gift.

We created a service in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic that worked for us.  A beautiful graveside service on April 25. A beautiful blue sky day- crisp and clear with sun, clouds and good temps.  We agreed on comforting scripture, were grateful to have a trumpet play beautiful hymns and shared the poem- Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Eve by Robert Frost.  The pastor shared the message we all believe- it was not goodbye, it was farewell.  God sent us Jesus to show us the promise of heaven and resurrection.  Daddy is in heaven no doubt about it.  He is with my grandmothers- his mother who died of leukemia when my father was eight and my mother's mother he loved dearly, bickered with about politics at the Sunday table and loved her daughter- he lays to rest next to her.  (Funerals and visits to gravesides are important- my kids didn't realize Sally shares a birthday with Gaga- thankyou headstone!) We each put a flower with his ashes and thanked him for being the father, husband and grandfather he was. We will be the best we can be because he lived and lives on in us.  We then were given the extra treat of a carillon concert at Mercersburg.  My parents often drive up there on Sundays for this purpose. My brother made the call and the carilloner was able to delight and comfort us with music in a beautiful setting.

Music shared that day included: Dvorak's Coming Home, The Mercersburg Alma Mater, Eternal Father Strong to Save (Navy Hymn), Jesus I Live to Thee (Mercersburg Hymn), Hymn of Hope and from Man of LaMancha- The Impossible Dream.   Lyrics for Impossible Dream  I hope you will read these. I read them and think of my father and know he achieved his dreams - so many of them- but family his greatest.  Funerals are for the living but I learned they are also for the dead- it is another AND living and dead. It felt good to partner with so many to honor my father and comfort us with our farewell.  

 

We did not get to have the celebration of life we wanted and need. We did not have the whole family. We did not get to embrace friends and extended family. We left having something to look forward to- not sure when yet- summer would be nice but it maybe something else. We get to plan! We'll keep you posted.  Until then thank you for all those sharing the toasts you've been making. Thank you for the continued love and support and ways to care for my family and me.  We all said we know how loved Mom and Dad are and witnessed it these past three weeks. We were able to leave Mom on Sunday (with plans to return soon) knowing she is strong and surrounded by friends and family in Hagerstown.  I was welcomed home to Granville in the most amazing of ways and appreciate each action and word. I've overwhelmed and taking my time as I continue to say farewell and understand my season.  I do so grateful for my father.  I share a beautiful painting created for him by his neighbor- a very talented artist. He was so taken by this act- I loved hearing him tell his friend and physician- I've been immortalized in art!

Look closely and you'll see my Dad sitting at the Harpers Ferry Station. This is what he did - he watched his trains and talked to people.  Thank you Royce- this painting has been such a comfort these past few weeks.  My father lives on in so many ways. On Saturday, we did not say goodbye, only farewell.   

So, life on Newark-Granville Road is carrying on.... Saturday is Derby Day COVID-19 style. What does that mean?  Stay tuned to this blog and we'll share what we're up to. We hope you'll make your own julep- our recipe coming soon. We're so very sorry not to be together.  Life on Newark-Granville Road and MWS love a party. Many of you knew my Dad as the bet master and I appreciate you sharing that with me.

I will end with the lyrics of a song played on Saturday on the carillon.  It wasn't one that I associated with my father- that was Edelweiss- the lullaby he sang to me, the song we danced to at my wedding.  Climb Every Mountain's words are a lesson he now shares.  He is with me and us always and forever- encouraging us to learn and take the back roads!

Climb Every Mountain by Rodgers and Hammerstein

Climb every mountain

Search high and low

Follow every byway
Every path you know

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream